A Sense of Perspective

“Okay, slow down — Is anybody hurt?” I ask the man who is standing in the kitchen, holding an enormous meat cleaver.

“No! Nobody!” he replies, wild-eyed.

“Right, well, can you put the knife down please?”

He looks at me, eyeing me up from top to toe. I’m worried I may have to react quickly, but I can tell he is more afraid than angry. I put both my hands up in front of me, showing him my empty palms. Pete mirrors my movement next to me, but he also takes a small step back, just to ensure he stays outside the man’s reach. Continue reading


Vice City Love

“When was the last time this happened to ya,” John says, reaching for the handle underneath the passenger seat. He stops mid-sentence, before finally finding the right handle, leaning the seat further back by a few notches.

“Hmmh?” I ask.

I briefly turn on the ignition so I can roll the window down a little, before turning it back off.

“I’m on front office duty, right, and this broad comes in. Says her mobile has been nicked.”

“Ah?” Continue reading

An Eviction

Pete and I were standing outside a block of towards the north end of the borough. Our destination was on the eleventh floor, but sod’s law struck gold, and of course the lifts were out of order. We started the long climb.

I started whistling a song, but noticed that Pete didn’t join in – quite unusual, for him.

“What’s wrong, mate, you’re awfully quiet today.” I asked.

“I had a dog of a shift yesterday.” he said.

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep, to be honest. I’m knackered.”

“Bloody hell. What happened?”

“Mate, it was grim.”

“Go on…” Continue reading

Going the way of the Dojo

In the parking lot behind a local Sainsbury’s I’m sat with my feet on the dashboard, in the passenger seat of a Panda, waiting for Jay to come back with our lunch. I don’t really have any reason for having stayed in the car, other than complete, abject laziness. I suppose I was fiddling with the MDT when we pulled up, but really, that could have waited. Besides, I quite like to have someone else buy my lunch for me. Jay, especially – he’s had a vegan girlfriend for a while, a relationship that fell apart a couple of weeks ago, and he’s been trying to take revenge by eating as many cows as possible. If you ask me, it’s not the greatest way of getting back at an ex, but as long as it makes him happy, who cares.

“Mike Delta two-four receiving Mike Delta” the radio buzzes. I look down lazily, before reaching for the in-car hand-set. It’s one of those ancient, enormous squeezy-button-microphone ones you see in American cop shows a lot. We never use it – we’ve got small microphones and fancy push-to-talk buttons, but I guess I was in a retro mood. Continue reading

The Arrest Enquiry

“Delito”, the skipper snaps, peering over his stack of loosely-arranged papers. I look up. “What are you, six years old?”

“What? I… I didn’t even do anything”, I try, but the sergeant’s eyes confirm my suspicion that my half-hearted lie was never going to be believed in a hundred years. I hang my head, mumbling a “Sorry, sarge”, accompanied by the cacophony of laughter from the rest of my team. We had been doing a series of practical pranks on each other all week, and I managed to be the first person to get caught out, mid-prank.

The next few minutes are spent fiddling with my handcuff keys, as I’m releasing the handcuff that is linking Pete’s arm to the radiator – just in time; the Inspector walks into the briefing room, and we all leap to our feet, whilst Pete is hiding the fact that he still has a cuff attached to his arm by placing one hand behind his back. Continue reading

A shot to the heart…

It’s about half-way through my shift, and it has been completely and utterly dead all morning. Sometimes, dead is good, and I’m sure quite a few of my colleagues would disagree with me when I say this, but I much prefer busy. Officially, the shifts are about 9 hours long, with one hour over-lap. Sometimes, that means you are dismissed earlier, because the next shift has managed to get their act together quickly; other times, you’re working for fourteen hours straight because you somehow end up with an arrest minutes before the shift is meant to end. Continue reading